Finding Abundance in the Wait for Answers
By Samantha DeCosmo
This is the latest post in a series where guest bloggers will share their personal stories related to finding abundance. As we explore the unexpected circumstances that often arise in life, we’ll uncover how people found hope and encouragement along the way.
When I was sixteen my life changed in unexpected ways and took me on a journey that would lead me through some of the hardest moments of my life. It also shaped me into the person I am today and led me to find hope and abundance I never expected to find. As I walked through some of the darkest days of my life, I encountered God’s amazing grace and provision that would sustain me and carry me through to ultimately find a life full of goodness and joy.
Growing up, I was a happy and healthy kid, but when I got into high school I began to have daily headaches that started to disrupt my life. I went to doctor after doctor but no one could figure out the cause of my pain. After months of suffering from so much pain that I couldn’t attend my classes, I began to feel alone and depressed. With each passing day, I fell deeper into depression and some days didn’t know if I had the will to continue fighting.
But God knew that I had so much good work left to do in my life and carried me through this season of uncertainty and despair. My faith was ultimately strengthened and a renewed hope was planted in my heart. Although the doctors couldn’t figure out how to help me, I eventually learned how to cope with daily pain and began living my life again the best I could.
Throughout the next 15 years, I continued to suffer from daily pain but by the grace of God and the support of my amazing family and friends, I was able to finish high school and graduate college. I met my wonderful husband and we were married shortly after graduation. These years were not easy but my faith in God and hope for a cure for my pain carried me through the difficult times.
My pain continued to get worse after college, following a car accident and subsequent back surgeries. During this time, I began to find myself in a pretty dark place once again. I was tired. Tired of the constant pain and array of other debilitating symptoms that were making it hard for me to fully function in my life the way that I wanted to. I was tired of failed surgeries and not understanding why these things kept happening to me, or why I could never find an answer for my pain.
In 2018, I began to experience dizziness and cognitive issues on top of my constant head pain that added to my despair. After struggling to keep it all together for so many years, I made the difficult decision to quit my job. My symptoms continued to worsen and I found myself so lost and confused as to what the next right step was that I checked myself into the psych ward of a local hospital. I had lost the will to keep fighting and needed help. I felt so broken and lost that I didn’t know where else to turn. Laying on the hard hospital bed, feeling so hopeless and alone, I prayed to God to give me the will to continue fighting and to help me find answers.
Soon after, my prayers were answered. I began to see doctors who were finally able to actually help me and explain what was causing my pain. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a rare connective tissue disorder, and later found out that I was also suffering from a cerebrospinal fluid leak which was causing my years of severe head pain and cognitive dysfunction. I was lucky enough to be treated by one of the top doctors in the country for my CSF leak and finally began the path to healing.
During my treatment, I felt called to start sharing my story with others. I wanted to help anyone who might be suffering in a similar way to know that there is hope, even when things seem dark for so long. I started a blog to share my story and keep my family updated on my progress. When I began to hear from strangers thanking me for sharing my truth and giving them hope, I knew that I had to keep writing and try to reach more people who were hurting.
Since then, I’ve found hope and healing for my soul through writing and sharing my story with others. I’ve connected with some of the most amazing people who have shared their own stories of pain and hope with me. I have a renewed appreciation for life and am constantly finding beauty and abundance in the world around me.
I am stronger and wiser these days and my perspective on life has shifted. Difficult times have a way of shaping us into better versions of ourselves. I feel that day by day, I am more fully becoming the person that I was meant to be. And my darkest days have led me to rely on God in a way that I never would have experienced otherwise. I am so grateful for the journey that He has led me through. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing.