Finding Abundance in Singleness

This is the second post in a monthly series where guest bloggers will share their personal stories related to finding abundance. As we explore the unexpected circumstances that often arise in life, we’ll uncover how people found hope and encouragement along the way.

As someone who never expected to live out her adult years as a single lady, this is my story of finding abundance amid my unexpected reality.

I love love. I’m not someone who glares at the TV during a Rom-Com. Sign me up for a good Noah and Allie moment. But, it does feel as if I’m reminded of my singleness at every waking hour. Social media further complicates matters. Reminders of my singleness regularly show up on my feed of people getting engaged, married, and having babies. And while I ask myself, “why do I care if that one friend from college I don’t talk to anymore is getting married,” the reality is that as a single, seeing the things I long for on the screen causes an ache.

When it comes to close friends who are in a relationship, it’s different—and possibly harder. You feel overjoyed that they found their person; you’re not unhappy for them—you’re beaming (in a real way!). But, deep within, it spotlights the emptiness in your life. The ache might last a few minutes, or it might last a few days or even a month. And that’s okay. In my singleness, I’ve learned not to bypass my emotions.

On the nights I cry myself to sleep due to the emptiness I feel in the pit of my stomach, I remember that I’m not actually alone. God is there with me. He is hugging me and listening to me.

It was within those difficult moments of emptiness that I started to push myself to a place where I ultimately found abundance. I found that abundance comes from within myself.

I learned to find abundance in my current relationships with family, friends, colleagues, but most importantly, with myself. I fill up my social calendar and get together with friends regularly (it’s necessary as an extrovert). But more importantly, I try new things—often by myself—regularly: a workout class at the place I always drive by, the restaurant everyone’s raving about, a volunteer opportunity I had on my heart but didn’t think I had the time for. I’ve found that it’s a rare opportunity to get to know yourself in a new way in your adult life. As a single person, I get to soak it up in a special way.

Solo Skydiving

One beautiful Saturday in July I woke up with no plans. All my friends were busy or out of town, and I wanted to seize that gorgeous July day. I sought abundance in that blue sky and wanted to show myself my worth. So, I went skydiving.

When the instructor asked where the rest of my party was, I said it was just me. The instructor said, “Really? We never get people by themselves. That makes this flight that much more special.” At first, the words stung, but after the initial sting, I realized he meant it as an encouragement, a “way to go,” if you will. And he was right, it was awesome.

Just Go Do

The main takeaway in my singleness: just go do. When you do, you’ll be surprised just how strong you find yourself to be.

If you are struggling in your singleness, I have a challenge for you: go try something new out of the house all by yourself. Even if you are in a relationship, this is an excellent exercise in being comfortable in your own skin.

Is there a movie at the theatre you’ve been wanting to see? A cooking class you’ve been interested in trying?

If this task is completely daunting, I get it. It took me a few tries, too. My biggest tip: try the movies. It’s dark and you aren’t expected to talk to anyone. If you aren’t into movies, try sitting at the bar at a restaurant and strike up a conversation with the bartender! (Their stories are usually fascinating.)

As I’ve begun to step out of the house and do more things on my own, one of my favorites has been going to a restaurant, getting an actual table, and reading a book while trying a new meal.

Think about what would bring you joy and give it a try. Who knows…you might find your own skydiving adventure, too.