“When you are at the end of your rope, tie and knot and hang on.” – Unknown
This quote hangs on the wall of a room in my doctors office. I’ve always found it to be one of my favorite. Many inspirational quotes adorn the walls. But it’s the only one I’ve just so happened to memorize.
I believe it’s because they are the words I need right now. As I was sitting and praying the other day, wondering what the right path forward is for my tumor, this quote kept replaying in my head.
I feel like I’m at the end of my rope.
And to be honest, I hadn’t processed that I was there quite yet. As the quote replayed in my head, I started to feel the weight of the year.
Throughout the year, we’ve stopped to reflect on how far we’ve come many many times. And it’s honestly so easy to count our blessings. This time felt a bit heavier. Maybe for the first time, I fully acknowledged the journey it has truly been. One that isn’t over yet.
And that is where I have begun to struggle. I was in a mindset of forward forward forward for an entire year. And then we were given options and I am left feeling a bit paralyzed.
Options are in fact a good thing (though maybe not for someone who hates deciding where to go for dinner 😉). But the presentation of options, which includes the ability to enter a watch-and-wait period to see if the tumor continues to shrink or starts to grow again, has sparked a desire for rest that had never been present before. So I’m listening to that.
But the end of the quote is what stood out more: “tie a knot and hang on.”
This is what I feel in my heart I am being led to do. But it’s far from what I want to do, truth be told. For now, no final decision has been made. I simply wanted to share my heart.
Will you continue to pray with me as we process through the next best steps?
We are so grateful for how far we’ve come and though this decision is weighty, it’s a gift. Praying for a surrender of control and to simply continue living and learning through this journey.
Thanks for praying alongside us.