The Ending You Expect Isn’t Coming—and That’s Okay

The Ending You Expect Isn’t Coming—and That’s Okay

Shifting back to life as normal may be harder than we expect—at least it was for me as I embraced life after chemo.

Life After Chemo: Encountering the Unexpected

The end of treatment. It’s what I longed for while undergoing chemotherapy, but it turned out to be nothing like I expected.

When the day arrived, not a single scenario I had envisioned came to be—it was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. But what I never contemplated? The days after.

Days full of fear and second-guessing. Days I couldn’t believe my new reality. Days I wished for the security of being on an effective medication.

I quickly learned the “end” wasn’t the end.

“Be happy, you’re done!” was how everyone anticipated I should feel, but a different and uncomfortable reality emerged—one I knew I needed to process through instead of simply trying to push past.

I needed to process instead of simply try to push past my new reality.

Months on end of doctor’s visits, treatments, and uncertainty all caught up to me. I was “done” but a different kind of work had emerged. It was time to process.

In the days, weeks, and months that followed, I was forced to rely on God more than ever before. I fought against the belief that the tumor was growing and that I shouldn’t plan too far ahead just in case.

Life shifted when I lost my mobility, and it was shifting once again as I finally took time to process.

Fear of the future captivated me, causing me to acknowledge that while I was done with chemo, my Desmoid journey wasn’t over—and it never truly would be. Although a chapter had closed, it was just that—a chapter.

Depending heavily on God, I accepted that worry wasn’t going to change the outcome. My daily goal became to live each day the best I could while holding onto hope.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I discovered that instead of fighting so hard to get back to “before,” I needed to accept all that had changed and all that remained.

Life After the Coronavirus Might Feel Similar to Life After Chemo

I foresee a similar future when the Coronavirus is finally halted. A period of time where we can take a collective deep breath.

The Coronavirus will forever live on as part of a significant chapter in our lives. And while we all long to dive straight back into the life we once knew, it has forever shifted.

We can push past all that has been or we can use it to light our path forward into the unknown future.

We can push past all that has been or we can use it to light our path forward into the unknown future.

We may never view a hug or a handshake the same way. It may take a little while to be comfortable standing next to someone in line. Even so, fear and worry don’t get the final say.

What I know for certain is that we will all need time to come to terms with the impact the virus has had not just on our lives, but on the world. I hope we’ll all walk away having learned something about ourselves—whether it be good, bad, or ugly. And that we’ll all have gained a deeper dependence on God—knowing that no matter what storms come to pass, He will be there to ride it out with us.

I don’t know what the future will look like, but I am certain that life will never be the same and worry won’t change the outcome. It’s okay if you feel a bit crushed by the unexpected days ahead. It’s okay no matter how long it takes to process what we’ve been through.

God walks with us through difficult days. He doesn’t leave us to manage on our own. Keep seeking and depending on Him, and He will see us through.

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2 thoughts on “The Ending You Expect Isn’t Coming—and That’s Okay”

  • Very nicely said. I am a person who wants to jump from one thing to the next: problem to the plan to the fight to the complete resolution without encountering any set back and little to no disruption in my life. However, this is rarely the case! I just read a Psalms that put it like this: “Here is the man who would not make God his refuge, but trusted in the abundance of his riches, taking refuge in his destructive behavior.” Ps 52:7 Yep, I want my plan to work! The Psalm goes on verse 8-9: “But I am like a flourishing olive tree in the house of God. I trust in God’s faithful love forever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done. In the presence of your faithful people, I will put my hope in your name, for it is good.”
    But honestly, that is really what I want. I know that I will not get the full experience or understand the fullness of His love without the messy parts that require me to fully take refuge in him!
    Thank you for sharing.

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