The Practice of Reflection Archives

Living Life with a Rare Disease | A Look Back on the Last Year

A lot can happen in a year, and seemingly nothing at all.

It has been nearly one year since my MRI revealed tumor growth post-chemotherapy treatment.

While I’ve been open about my journey throughout the years, I haven’t shared much publicly since that day. No concrete path upon which to tread has left me needing some space to process each component of this ever-evolving story.

Today, I’m offering a glimpse behind the scenes into what life with a Desmoid tumor has held this year.

Finding God's Provision, Hope in the Unexpected, Intentional + Simplified Living, The Practice of Reflection, Trusting in God

by MaryBeth Eiler

When Trusting Your Next Step Doesn’t Come Easily

Throughout the years, I’ve had to make some hard medical decisions—very few of which have left me feeling confident about the path ahead.

+ Am I making the right decision?
+ Is this what is best for my future?
+ What if things don’t turn out as planned?

Easy answers to these questions aren’t common, but time has taught me that while I might not always make the right decision, I can trust God will always walk with me through the next step.

Finding God's Provision, Hope in the Unexpected, The Practice of Reflection, Trusting in God

by MaryBeth Eiler

5 Things I Learned This Fall

“It’s good to sit with what was and what is. To feel the things we’ve lost and to recognize the things we’ve gained.”

I stumbled across these words the other day…words I wrote while processing through the anniversary of my tumor diagnosis earlier this year.

In this unexpected year, these words took on a new meaning…a broader application of truth.

Before stumbling across these words, I contemplated not sharing a fall reflection. This season has been a long, difficult one, and I was confident I had nothing to say just yet. But those words changed my mind…and reminded me just how healing the practice of reflection can be.

As the year draws to a close, may we pause to sit with what was and what is. May we recognize what was lost as well as what we have gained.

The Practice of Reflection

by MaryBeth Eiler

5 Things I Learned This Summer

A change in seasons is upon us. Reflecting on the summer of 2020, the multifaceted nature of life was affirmed once again for me. I certainly don’t need to rehash the fact that this summer was different from what any of us had planned. There was bending and breaking, sorrow, and joy—each of us embodying the chaos in different ways, each of us finding our way through, each of us growing and being stretched through the struggle.

Though this list is far from all-encompassing, today I am sharing a shortlist of what I learned (and in some cases re-learned) this summer in no particular order.

The Practice of Reflection

by MaryBeth Eiler

When It Comes to Healing, Your Pace is Your Pace

I caught myself reliving my past. Trying to rush back to “normal.”

Just as I had suppressed the magnitude of my initial tumor diagnosis four years prior in favor of continuing on with life as usual, I noticed myself trapped by similar coping mechanisms when chemo treatments came to a happy, abrupt end.

It was time to “move on” and “get back to life” as I once knew it. At least, that is what the world seemed to have to say about it. But life as I knew it had forever changed. Slowly, I recognized that while my body had healed, there were other parts of my story where healing had just begun. Over the last year, as I’ve walked toward healing, I’ve discovered that when it comes to healing, your pace is your pace.

Encountering Grace, Hope in the Unexpected, Intentional + Simplified Living, The Practice of Reflection

by MaryBeth Eiler

Encountering Full Life Through Joy and Sorrow; Beauty and Pain

Today, I celebrate the start of a new decade. I turned thirty at 12:04 am.

A few months ago, I couldn’t wait to turn thirty. I was ready to leave my twenties behind and all the craziness I never expected to live. I managed to do a thing I often do and convinced myself my thirties offered a fresh, clean slate—a second chance for life to prove this decade could be different.

But as I write this, I’ve recognized the error of my ways.

Not very much of my twenties went according to my plans, but I’m continually learning that the path I never would have chosen can still lead to a full life.

Finding God's Provision, Hope in the Unexpected, Intentional + Simplified Living, The Practice of Reflection

by MaryBeth Eiler