Summer is in full swing. The month of July is full. Plenty of fun awaits. So do some important test results.
Those upcoming tests periodically cross my mind. When they do, it’s not unusual for my mind to begin to ponder:
- Is that odd sensation in my leg a sign of the tumor beginning to grow?
- Has the chemo done all it can do for me?
- Will the MRI reveal something about my ankle the X-ray didn’t?
Right now, I don’t have the answers. And there is some relief in the unknown.
But the answers to those questions are coming, ready or not.
Emotions fall at both extremes–from terrified of the unknown to expectantly hopeful. It’s all part of the process.
There is no denying the hope I feel inside for a positive outcome. It’s also impossible to fully suppress the fear of a bad outcome.
And so, as the questions swirl and the answers draw near, I am working hard to do the only thing I can really do: surrender that which I cannot control.
While I must continually remind myself of it, God’s plans are infinitely better than any I could devise on my own. He already knows what the future holds. God is not some distant figure; He is present in the here and now.
I trust Him with the outcome–good, bad, or indifferent.
The way I remain tethered to this truth is by spending time in God’s word and praying specific prayers for needs both big and small.
It’s when I am distracted from this truth that I seek to take control of the situation. Doing so has only ever ended in heartbreak for me. Creating false narratives in my head about when my last round of chemo will be or what the test results might show is a dangerous path to walk. Instead, I hand it over to God.
Surrender. Relinquishing control. It sounds powerless, like a weakness.
But I’ve experienced the exact opposite. Through surrender, I believe we are given more life, more freedom, more hope.
As a person who has to continually reject my need for control, being pushed to the point where I have no other choice but to surrender has been a gift.
God desires our surrender–it is how we show Him our love. In return, He helps us to live more abundantly.